Here is the place to discuss about "The Strangers", I will take any criticisms, advice, comments etc... Anything, please stay on topic though. Have fun~

jinjos make this story, and yet i get left out. Jinjos, really? way to bring them up... dam creatures. now i really want to go on a rampage... thats really my only complaint. so really its pretty good. just becarefull if you see any angry canadians walking down your street....

Well, about that, if you aren't included in the story, one of two things happened: I either forgot about you, or can't think of a way you can be included yet.

Gabe, duck Kenji might be the most formidable power in all universes. ^^ I've read The Strangers, and I think it's intriguing. =) I'll keep reading...

Were the pictures needed, or not?

I'm kind of thinking they were a bit unneeded, but, your opinions.

Overall, 7/10.

I felt a strange sense of repetition, and most of the things are phrased the same. For example, I've heard "Blah blah" said Pensuke. "Oh really?" Said Gabe. "Ya rly." Pensuke said, with a grin. "Yeah rightzors." Gabe said.

Vocabulary? I think it needs work, but it's fine for now. Focus on other features, and once you've got up, try using different words to make it flow. Wording is what makes up the rhythm.

I also feel like I hardly know these characters and why they fight. Motive could use some work, as well as background information. Try describing them indirectly, and only a few direct. Also, try adding details in the actions. You have a LOT of characters. What are they all doing, and how? It'll get confusing if you don't go into detail, and it makes the story seem pretty short when it's all action, action, action. Also, try using flashbacks so we know what the history of the kid's are.

That's all for now, I'll update when I feel it needs updating.

Addendum 2 : Still 7/10, but I see my review seems so negative. I'll put out the good things.

One good thing is that it flows decently, but not as good as it should. Still, the flow is a pro on your side. The battle isn't boring, and dialogue isn't crazy. They're somewhat detailed, too. Originality? I can't say the characters are original, but the plot seems to be original SO FAR. I think it doesn't seem tl;dr for each post, but you may want to consider organizing them better and leaving off at a better spot to create anticipation.

Last edited by Pensuke on Thu Nov 05, 2009 6:05 pm; edited 1 time in total

Ummm.... I really don't know what to say about that review.